Dear Diary,
This post is just a story of my past that i found out only recently. I just need to find a place to channel it somewhere so that i can get this load off my chest. Not being emotional and not gonna share it on my wall for everyone to read. So those who will read, will read. So, here goes.
As everyone knows, my mum passed away about 3 years ago. (i wrote it on my introduction portion of the blog). I had been trying to move on from then. Touched by my family members who looked after me and tried to pick up bits and pieces from my fall. Also, a handsome husband to be who is always there by my side. With the lost of my mother, i had also adopted the second fur-family, Clover. She was like the sun who lighted up the darkness.
When it was time to pack up my mum's documents, i had to go thru one document by one document to make sure i do not throw something important. I went past her divorced petition. Well, im brought up by my mum single handled and the only child. Im very grateful for all the love that i got and i feel no lost as my mum is a strong woman and did her best to give me whatever i need to grow up to be a fine lady. It broke my heart when i flipped to a page in the petition when it states: " ... a lady who wanted to give her child to her. She desperately wanted to adopt..." immediately i was lost and thought my eyes were playing tricks. No, i hope that it wasn't referring to me.. but who else can this refer to when im the only child in my family. Next i saw this: " ... he accompanied her to complete the adoption proceedings to legally adopt the child..." My dad went to accompany my mum to adopt me. I was adopted. Tears just flowed down my eyes like it was never ending.. "My life was a lie?" i asked myself. "but i was loved.. how can this be a lie?"
Honestly, its not that i never once suspected that i was adopted thru my years. i always ask my mum why m i so different from her. She was short, skinny, with large beautiful eyes with straight hair. I have small eyes, plump and tall. I always joke that i came from the rubbish bin.. Oh no.. all those words could have broke her heart many times but i was joking.. i didn't know it was real. She never told me. and i think she didn't intended to. She kept this secret so well but i guess she never once expected that i had to clear her drawer. I wasn't angry at all. I was just confused. She could have told me earlier and i could have done a better job. I wouldn't have taken things for granted and be more obedient. Moreover, im more vulnerable in my case that im adopted. I never once expected my surname was borrowed. I thought my surname belongs to me. So who m i and where do i come from?
I don't have the thought of meeting my birth mother or my birth family. I just want to know where i came from and how my mum met my birth mum. I love my mum. She brought me up well and she never once let me felt as if i was adopted. I was loved by everyone in the family including my god parents. I m not sure if they know im adopted or not but they love me and i know it and i don't want to lose all these after knowing the truth about everything. After crying for a few days, i didn't know how to cry anymore. i came to teams with the fact and accepted it.
If my mum would to be able to read this from heaven, this is what i would write to her:
Dear mummy,
Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for loving me and not giving up on me. I may have a lot of disobedient days and unbearable days. But you still loved me till your last breath. You asked me many times when i was young if i will leave you when i grow up. I always answered you as if you were asking a ridiculous question because i never once thought that you were afraid to lose me. Even after knowing the truth, i still love you and thank you for trying to protect me from everything. I may not be your blood-related daughter but i will always be your daughter. You will always be my mother.
Love,
Your only daughter
Now that im about to be married in December, a new chapter of my life will begin. im glad that god gave me a chance to be with this wonderful strong woman who brought me up with full of compassion and kindness. I will never forget that. What was more important is that she brought me up selflessly and loved me like her blood-related daughter. i had everything in my life. Whatever i wanted, she will never say no. I may have borrowed a surname that is not mine, but the life that she gave me was real. I will lead by her example and be that strong woman that she brought me up to be.
With love,
Mummy bumver.
This post is just a story of my past that i found out only recently. I just need to find a place to channel it somewhere so that i can get this load off my chest. Not being emotional and not gonna share it on my wall for everyone to read. So those who will read, will read. So, here goes.
As everyone knows, my mum passed away about 3 years ago. (i wrote it on my introduction portion of the blog). I had been trying to move on from then. Touched by my family members who looked after me and tried to pick up bits and pieces from my fall. Also, a handsome husband to be who is always there by my side. With the lost of my mother, i had also adopted the second fur-family, Clover. She was like the sun who lighted up the darkness.
When it was time to pack up my mum's documents, i had to go thru one document by one document to make sure i do not throw something important. I went past her divorced petition. Well, im brought up by my mum single handled and the only child. Im very grateful for all the love that i got and i feel no lost as my mum is a strong woman and did her best to give me whatever i need to grow up to be a fine lady. It broke my heart when i flipped to a page in the petition when it states: " ... a lady who wanted to give her child to her. She desperately wanted to adopt..." immediately i was lost and thought my eyes were playing tricks. No, i hope that it wasn't referring to me.. but who else can this refer to when im the only child in my family. Next i saw this: " ... he accompanied her to complete the adoption proceedings to legally adopt the child..." My dad went to accompany my mum to adopt me. I was adopted. Tears just flowed down my eyes like it was never ending.. "My life was a lie?" i asked myself. "but i was loved.. how can this be a lie?"
Honestly, its not that i never once suspected that i was adopted thru my years. i always ask my mum why m i so different from her. She was short, skinny, with large beautiful eyes with straight hair. I have small eyes, plump and tall. I always joke that i came from the rubbish bin.. Oh no.. all those words could have broke her heart many times but i was joking.. i didn't know it was real. She never told me. and i think she didn't intended to. She kept this secret so well but i guess she never once expected that i had to clear her drawer. I wasn't angry at all. I was just confused. She could have told me earlier and i could have done a better job. I wouldn't have taken things for granted and be more obedient. Moreover, im more vulnerable in my case that im adopted. I never once expected my surname was borrowed. I thought my surname belongs to me. So who m i and where do i come from?
I don't have the thought of meeting my birth mother or my birth family. I just want to know where i came from and how my mum met my birth mum. I love my mum. She brought me up well and she never once let me felt as if i was adopted. I was loved by everyone in the family including my god parents. I m not sure if they know im adopted or not but they love me and i know it and i don't want to lose all these after knowing the truth about everything. After crying for a few days, i didn't know how to cry anymore. i came to teams with the fact and accepted it.
If my mum would to be able to read this from heaven, this is what i would write to her:
Dear mummy,
Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for loving me and not giving up on me. I may have a lot of disobedient days and unbearable days. But you still loved me till your last breath. You asked me many times when i was young if i will leave you when i grow up. I always answered you as if you were asking a ridiculous question because i never once thought that you were afraid to lose me. Even after knowing the truth, i still love you and thank you for trying to protect me from everything. I may not be your blood-related daughter but i will always be your daughter. You will always be my mother.
Love,
Your only daughter
Now that im about to be married in December, a new chapter of my life will begin. im glad that god gave me a chance to be with this wonderful strong woman who brought me up with full of compassion and kindness. I will never forget that. What was more important is that she brought me up selflessly and loved me like her blood-related daughter. i had everything in my life. Whatever i wanted, she will never say no. I may have borrowed a surname that is not mine, but the life that she gave me was real. I will lead by her example and be that strong woman that she brought me up to be.
With love,
Mummy bumver.
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